Measure your life in love....

"Velvet Elvis:

Something Bigger.

I was in Rwanda a few years ago, and a group of us went hiking in the slums of Kigali with a woman named Pauline. Pauline spends her free time caring for people who are about to die of HIV/AIDS. She agreed to take us to visit one of her friends who had only hours to live. We hiked through this slum for what seemed like miles, and as we got farther in, the shacks became smaller and smaller until all we had to walk on were narrow trails with sewage crisscrossing in streams that ran beside, and sometimes under, the shacks.

Eventually we ended up in a dirt-floored, one-room shack about six-by-six feet. A woman was lying under so many blankets that all we could see was her mouth and eyes. Her name was Jacqueline. Pauline had become her friend and had been visiting her consistently for the past few months. As I knelt down beside her on the floor, I watched Pauline, standing in the corner, weeping. Her friend was going to die soon. What overwhelmed me wasn't the death or despair or poverty. What overwhelmed me was the compassion. In this dark place Pauline's love and compassion were simply...bigger. More. It is as if the smallest amount of light is infinitely more powerful than massive amounts of dark. The ground was holy."



If only I could articulate how much I desire to be that small glimmer of light when Rob Bell says:
"In this dark place Pauline's love and compassion were simply...bigger. More. It is as if the smallest amount of light is infinitely more powerful than massive amounts of dark. The ground was holy"

I want to yell at the top of my lungs "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE! THAT'S ALL I WANT" I want to show love to one person in a way that their heart is overwhelmed, and they see the beauty of life, love and Christ, even if for only a moment.

I can resonate today with this... Yesterday I did home visits to see the living conditions of my kids. to this little guys house..Joswa, if you want to see his shining smile look back a few blogs. He laid like that on my leg teary for most of the visit...he found out i'm leaving.. it was terrible

While there I told his family that James and I are going to sponsor him through school. Later in the visit I was made aware that he is HIV positive, something that nobody at Wolicami knew, especially not me. My heart shattered. I decided to walk around and take pictures of the house, my eyes were all welled up with tears. There I am, crying and taking pictures of a shack where 6 people sleep on two beds....in the midst of that, I took this picture and looked in the corner to see joswa making a goofy close mouthed smile.

I feel yet again like i'm about to break. My heart is in pieces and in that moment all I could do was sit on his bed and hug him...tell him i loved him and cry. The last thing I want to do, I want to run out of that house screaming and cursing this place. I want to pack my bags and head to the airport on the first flight back to normalcy. But rather God demands I dig in deeper and love more passionately. I am convinced that the only thing that will reach these people is unbridled love.
No limits.
No conditions.
No holding back.

But i'm tired. Do you ever get like that? Just tired of pain, despair, all of it. The first few weeks I was in, what volunteers refer to as, the "honeymoon stage". Things are rough, but seeing the smile of a kid wipes away the pain you just saw merely 30 seconds before. My mind has now moved past that, the resilience is beautiful and inspiring, don't get me wrong. However, death is still prevalent, poverty is still overwhelming and people are still lost.

I have found myself aching to be the glimmer of love. Just the smallest amount. I just want to touch one person. I can't wait to come home and, with a steadfast heart, continue to run hard after that goal.

"525,000 journeys to plan.
525,600 minutes.
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?
In truths that she learned?
Or in times that he cried?
In the bridges he burned?
Or the way that she died?

You've got to remember the love...
Remember the love.
Remember the love.
Share love.
Give love.
Spread love.

Measure your life in love.
Measure your life in love."

Who would have thought RENT had it so right?

Pray for my strength and moral...my time is almost up and there is still so much left to learn.
Pray for my health....i'm really sick.

love you all

Love. Laugh. Look. Live.
amanda june.